What is a Crotch Pocket?

What Is a Crotch Pocket, and Can You Use it with a Hot Pocket? Would you want to?

Many of us are familiar with the food item known as a “Hot Pocket.” We may not have carnal knowledge of Hot Pockets, but we know them by their reputation. What kind of item is a “Crotch Pocket?” The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office recently issued a trademark registration, Registration Number 5,113,968, for CROTCH POCKET (the logo shown below).

crotch pocket logo

When I first read the name “Crotch Pocket” without any context, I was not sure whether I should be hungry or just aware of where the closest bathroom is.  I decided I better dig deeper to find out exactly what the Crotch Pocket trademark was going to be used with. I started with a Google search where the first search result was from Urban Dictionary. Since my wife reads my blog, and since the Urban Dictionary definition was inappropriate, we’re just going to move on. (Ok, I have to be honest, my wife doesn’t read my blog but her mom does.) Luckily the later search results brought me to the real Crotch Pocket.  (Drum roll please.) The Crotch Pocket product is shown below.

female crotch pocket

(Photo credit to Crotch Pocket.)

Obviously this particular model is geared towards women. Here is a the Crotch Pocket model for men, below.

male crotch pocket

(Photo credit to Crotch Pocket.)

The trademark registration is for the Crotch Pocket logo above to be used with pistol holsters.

How Does a Crotch Pocket Relate to a Hot Pocket

hot pocket for crotch pocket

Some of you are diehard Hot Pocket fans and are probably only reading this because you were interested in Hot Pockets. Although at first there appears to be no relationship between a Crotch Pocket and a Hot Pocket, we’ve performed an experiment to relate the two.

Question: Is an “Original #007 Crotch Pocket Gun Holster” large enough to be alternatively used as a holster for a standard-size Hot Pocket?

Hypothesis: Since “Crotch Pocket for your Hot Pocket” is a funny thing to say, it is presumed that a Hot Pocket will fit in a Crotch Pocket.

Materials:

Procedures:

  1. Recorded measurements for width, length, and height of an “Original #007 Crotch Pocket Gun Holster” (see data table)
  2. Used ruler to measure the width, length, and height of a Hot Pocket. Wore gloves and safety goggles, as the material was allegedly “hot”. Recorded measurements (see data table).

Data Tables:

Dimensions (in inches) Original #007 Crotch Pocket® Gun Holster Specs Hot Pocket® Measurements
Height 4 2.5
Width .875 .75
Length 5.5 5.5

Analysis: Upon conclusion of the measurements, the hypothesis was confirmed. In theory, a Hot Pocket will fit into a Crotch Pocket with room to spare.

Further research is required to determine empirically whether a Hot Pocket will fit into a Crotch Pocket, the implications of such a convenience, and any possible risks that a Crotch Pocket wearer would incur by carrying a Hot Pocket adjacent to the crotch region. (A gun has a safety and may not be loaded, but a Hot Pocket is always loaded and has no safety.)

For Intellectual Property Attorneys Only

Information from the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office’s website provides the following data about this trademark application:

Word Mark CROTCH POCKET
Goods and Services IC 013. US 002 009. G & S: Pistol holsters. FIRST USE: 20160101. FIRST USE IN COMMERCE: 20160101
Mark Drawing Code (3) DESIGN PLUS WORDS, LETTERS, AND/OR NUMBERS
Design Search Code 21.03.24 – Targets with alignment guides ; Targets with crosshairs, 23.03.03 – Derringers; Pistols; Revolvers 27.03.05 – Objects forming letters or numerals
Serial Number 87029959
Filing Date May 9, 2016
Current Basis 1A
Original Filing Basis 1A
Published for Opposition October 18, 2016
Registration Number 5113968
Registration Date January 3, 2017
Owner (REGISTRANT) Martin, Tom INDIVIDUAL UNITED STATES N9488 Spirit Lake Road Rib Lake WISCONSIN 54470
Disclaimer NO CLAIM IS MADE TO THE EXCLUSIVE RIGHT TO USE “CROTCH” APART FROM THE MARK AS SHOWN
Description of Mark Color is not claimed as a feature of the mark. The mark consists of the terms “CROTCH POCKET” in stylized form with the letter “O” in “CROTCH” comprising crosshairs and the letter “T” in “POCKET” comprising a stylized pistol.
Type of Mark TRADEMARK
Register PRINCIPAL
Live/Dead Indicator LIVE

What is a Crotch Pocket?

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